Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself
8:02 PM
In 2014 and most of 2015 I struggled with being on and off with my faith.
There were major periods of time where I did not feel God at all. I would pray to Him for help, for peace, for specific answers to questions I had but most notably why I wasn't getting what everyone else had.
There were major periods of time where I did not feel God at all. I would pray to Him for help, for peace, for specific answers to questions I had but most notably why I wasn't getting what everyone else had.
As I looked around me it seemed everyone I knew had some amazing quiet time verse where God gave them the exact answer they were looking for or had listened to a mind blowing podcast where the pastor gave them insight on who God truly was. Meanwhile, I was sitting in the midst of an on and off depression slump feeling incredibly isolated from my friends and family and making choices I would have looked down upon as a strong christian 2 years prior.
Although family and friends did their best to give me advice, suggest messages or books and encourage me, I never felt fully renewed afterwards. In the end, no amount of prayer, quiet times or Hillsong albums could help me. I was bitter, I was confused and I was wounded.
I wish i could go into detail about why God has let me go through the last two years, but I don't have the answers. I don't know if God will give me the ending I want. I don't know how long it will take me to pick up the pieces of this aftermath. But i do know these things for sure:
God is always with me, just not in the places I expect. God always gives me an answer, it just may not be the one I want. The christian lifestyle is not about clear cut answers or a perfect ending. It's not about God having to prove himself or give you reasoning behind Him allowing what He allows. The christian lifestyle is about faith. Faith in God that He knows what He's doing, faith in the fact that He does love me enough to have sacrificed His son on a cross, faith that no tear or frustration or pain goes unseen and faith that He has a plan behind everything even if He never reveals it to you.
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